Round 5 May 8th 2010.
St Michaels 8 vs North Sydney Bears 0
Scorers:
Jock “Sunkissed Cranium” Kearney 3
Matthew Middleton 2
Scott Goodman 1
John Murphy 1
Paul Bowd 1
Dominic Fitzgerald 0
Assists:
Stewart “TA” Wewege 3
Whether it was the perfect autumnal weather, the lure of fortress KSO, or the borborygmi* of the gathered WAGS and kids lured by the promise of the culinary feast cooked by ceremonial tongmeister Paul “Poh” Baker and his deputy Stewart “ Triple Assist” Wewege….an air of anticipation was evident in the early afternoon in leafy Longueville amongst the salivating crowd.
Drooling is generally associated with middle aged men of generous girth surveying the aquatic fauna whilst supervising their children splashing in the waves at the beach in the summer. In the cooler months of the year, drooling can also be witnessed as a manifestation of envy by the dispossessed and demoralised in over 35s soccer.
Clearly, the latter was in evidence as the hapless North Sydney Bears looked on in disbelief as soccer maestro, formerly known as “Soft Jock” scored his first hat-trick since the under 6 competition. Asked about the likelihood of this happening after his second goal, he modestly replied, "I am just stoked with a “double”." Well move over Mark Webber, time for a double celebration! For your correspondent, the second goal was the pick for it encompassed aerial ballet and the finest of microscopic glances off Jock’s sun-kissed cranium following a super corner from Stewart “Triple Assist” Wewege into the net.
To single out this goal alone would be unfair, as it has the potential to undermine the massive contributions of the fullbacks in this match! Losses, logically are the responsibility of the forwards. This game, as with all victories, was won in the backs, as pointed out by masterchef “Poh” Baker over a chop of death after the match. Pete Shaw, a man armed with more lycra and hair than a George Michael “domesticated” ferret, provided balance at left back. John “Have – a- chat” Murphy showed the forwards how to strike a ball in to the back of the net from a healthy distance.
Ian Hill, the auditory antithesis of John Murphy, was able and more than willing before cruelled by a rogue cork, leading one to ask if someone had removed his batteries. Similarly, “Poh” was a veritable rock of Gibraltar at the back, calmly taking control of any situation. In fact, so inspired by last week’s role in the backs, Paul Bowd returned to join the backs after scoring his goal, commenting after the match that it “doesn’t matter who scores the goals, its all about the team”. A fitting segway for a narrow miss by your correspondent, momentarily startled by the cavernous expanse of netting and sprawling keeper in front of him as a shot was pushed wide of the right post. Mea culpa!
For the record your Honour, Scott “So you think you can Dance” Goodman scored from a nice strike from about 20 metres out which curved inside the left upright and was unlucky not to have a second following an audacious chip from 30 metres out as the ball bounced off the crossbar and out watched by all 22 players on the field, including their keeper who had about 15 metres to cover to get back to the goal.
Matthew ‘There are two Rs in parry” Middleton, modestly and some might suggest uncharacteristically, passed on many occasions to assist others in providing scoring opportunities. Nonetheless, Matt’s goals were well taken opportunities which we perhaps selfishly have come to expect from the scoring wizard who was kind enough to relive my missed opportunity and advise on what to do next time, “should such a simple opportunity arise again”. Humbly, I thanked him.
Nonetheless, as pointed out by previous correspondents, gradual build-up and slick passing from the back dictated the tempo of the game. Ian “Need for Speed” Hill, lamenting the increased price of a packet of cigarettes, was last seen nodding in agreement with “Poh’s" sentiments as he turned to push his “hog” homeward to the inner West. Marc “Bouffant” Bineham, without dislodging a single hair during the course for the match, had reiterated this mantra from the start and well into the BBQ that followed.
But what of the silent contributors to this result? The only person hotter than the chops, R-O-H-I-T was sound in the midfield. Mein Hughsie, perhaps in Formula 1 terms the winner of the Max Mosely dress-up competition, had the whip hand in midfield. Mark Sayle, animated and doing chin ups to pass the time between the odd angry shot on goal was sound in blocking a couple of low shots to maintain his record of more clean sheets than Heidi Fleiss. Steve “Soft furnishings” Smith, gaining in fitness and fear as he approaches his wedding in August, was consistent in marshalling the midfield, providing that vital link between the backs and anyone else on the field. In contrast, Nick “Blue” Lane was again busy and bustling in midfield as he simply tormented the Bears, with his sniping runs, deft touches and measured passes. Similarly, Stewart “The Cobra” Wewege, who pressed me not once, but twice and on consecutive days, to introduce the concept of the “Goal Assist” where he rightly should be acknowledged to also have a hat-trick.
Missing the match was Blake “Full Throttle” Cottle, resting his corked leg and no doubt planning his return and Pete Grantham, who presumably had answered a distress call from a team more needy!
In short, a momentous victory and a perfect lead up to tougher opponents in the local derby against Lane Cove next week.
Dominic Fitzgerald
*medical word for gut rumblings; unlikely to be useful in scrabble